Funny Theology Jokes I’ve Heard

Yelp, I’m a nerd….
  • God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, “Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg.” Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, “What could I get for a rib?”
  • How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Two…One to change the light bulb and one to cast out the spirit of darkness.
  • A game of golf is going on on the heavenly fairway. First hole is a mean par three with a large water feature. Lining up at the T is Moses, Jesus and a little old man and it’s Moses who plays first.Moses lines up checks the wind and then swings, the ball slices and heads for the water where it sinks to the bottom. Moses walks up to the dam, raises his club the waters part, he walks to the ball and chip shots into the hole for a birdie.

    Jesus is next, he checks the wind, lines the shot and swings, the ball slices and lands in the water where it floats on the surface. Jesus walks to the ball across the water and chip shots onto the green where the ball sinks for a birdie.

    Finally the little old man gets to the T. He is so short and stooped one wonders how he can play at all. But he checks the wind lines up and swings. Of course the ball slices and heads for the water. As the ball is about to hit the surface, the largest trout ever leaps out of the water swallowing the ball. If that was not enough a large eagle swoops down and takes the fish for dinner and heads away high into the sky. The eagle flies across the green and as it does it squeezes the fish -pop- the ball comes out of the fishes mouth and into the cup giving the old man a one shot lead.

    Jesus turns and glares at the old guy and says: “Listen Dad if you’re gonna play, play fair!”

  • Jesus came across a woman who was about to be stoned for adultery.
    He urged them to cease and desist, saying “let him who is without sin cast the first stone”. All of a sudden, some one threw a stone.
    Jesus exclaimed, “Oh mother!!!”
  • Humans have become so technically evolved that they can now make a living, breathing person. A summit of scientists believed that because they now had the power to create life, God was no longer needed. So they all decided that someone should go and tell God this. One man volunteered to go. One day he climbed a mountain and called upon God. “God! We humans now have the ability to bring people from the dead, we can create our own life, we don’t need you anymore so you can leave us alone.” God listened to the scientist and nodded his head. “Okay, I’ll tell you what, if you can really create life, let’s have a competition, if you can create a better person than me, I’ll go, but we’ll have to do it the way I did it in the old days.” So the scientist agrees and begins to collect some dirt to make his person. God simply watches him and finally asks him what he’s doing. “I’m using the dirt to make a person.” God smiles, looks at the scientist and replies, “Go make your own dirt.”
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One thought on “Funny Theology Jokes I’ve Heard

  1. Q:how many arminians does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: none. If it wants to change, it can change itself…
    how many calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: none again. If God wanted it changed, He would change it ‘monergisically’ all by Himself with absolutely NO effort by man to claim credit. Also, you wouldn’t want to thwart God’s plan, would you?
    blessings
    mike

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