At some point during mid-college, my compass switched from having predominantly guy friends toward a large influx of females friends. For some time now, many conversations with those girls have turned into their wonder of “why Christian men rarely ask them out on dates”. I have had numerous heart-to-heart conversations with awesome, intelligent, Jesus-loving, beautifully single young ladies that pour out their frustrated hearts at why this is so.
Of course, from the male perspective, there are blinders that hinder me from fully empathizing. But in those moments…as I listen to them…I can’t help but see it in their eyes. The fearful angst in the crackling of their voice. Their stare of credulity as they wait to hear your response of hope. They’ve been taught to rest in Christ and have faith in his sovereign plan. Taught to be content with their singleness until the right man comes along. Ooookay…true, but tell that to the girl that has only been on 1 date in the past 3 years. Or to the girl that is 30 years old and still waiting. If we honestly pay attention we would begin to see a steep decline in the rate at which men are dating. After months of pondering and diving deep into this massive topic, I have five reasons why this “asking out” rate has decreased. These will be generalizations, of course, but what I have on my side is the Bible and a little bit of psychological binoculars.
1) The Social Media Effect: Welcome to the glamorous world of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! These three entities have transformed the way that we men view the pressures of finding a girlfriend/wife. Historically a man had, roughly, less than 10 female friends on his radar. From that amount, his choices were limited and there was a certain “weight” or “pressure” he’d feel to find a mate. Today, I have almost 3000 Facebook friends. From those Facebook friends I can see photos and their friends of friends. This naturally gives way to thoughts that develop in my mind that I have an opportunity to date these girls. What was once knowing less than 10 girls has now exponentially increased to thousands for me AND my male counterparts. This gives us a false sense of satisfaction that takes away any weight on our shoulders that we need to pursue a woman right now. Who needs to pursue immediately…we’re content in our gigantically-fictional plethora of options.
2) A Feminized Jesus & the Nice Guy Complex: I am not sure when exactly this happened, but somewhere along the lines in our recent church history we began to view Jesus is a very feminine manner. He became no longer a God who was authoritative, had supreme leadership over all, filled with passion for His Father’s glory and likeness, and bold in his worldviews and lifestyle. For at least the past 40 years we have shifted focus solely on his love attributes. He is a God with a perm in his hair who spreads pixie dust of love all throughout the Gospels. He never yells, he never rebukes, never upsets others. He is all about love love love! Here’s why this teaching is so catastrophically damaging in this context: Colossians 1:15 says that ‘Jesus is the image of the Invisible God’. Men are image bearers of God since we were all made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Since the Fall, we have lost that perfect view of God’s image. Now we have Jesus to look to in order to get back to what we were created for. However, with us males looking at a feminized Christ, we begin to reflect these new feminine traits that have been attributed to him. If we are a projector….we project onto a blank screen whatever is shown through us. While seeing a feminized Jesus we’ve, in turn, automatically projected more passivity, less in our boldness, and are more inclined to play a super nice guy role. This nice guy generally doesn’t what to risk boldness but instead wants to play it safe. Most importantly, as we’ve obtained this feminine worldview, we’ve lost some of our male skill/desire/trait to pursue the woman. God’s intended design for the male is being skewed. Very scary stuff. Very scary stuff.
3) Watered Down GOSPEL Teaching: Similar to before, many churches over the years have become afraid to talk about the “hard” things of the Bible. The things that may scare people or rub them wrongly. Many churches and pastors became more focused on growing their church attendance and pleasing people rather than following thousands of years of church history and preaching for God with God’s word. They rarely teach on sin anymore. The cross and Jesus’ bloody death are rarely deeply studied and reflected on. If the Bible were a movie, many churches have pushed to cross and sin back to the ending credits. And no one pays attention the ending credits. Ignoring these biblical concepts retard our CONCRETE UNDERSTANDING of Jesus’ pursuit of the church (His people). The Gospel should not only be the focus of the movie but should also be a real-life every day experience. Instead, this has weakened the male’s view in how and what it means to pursue a wife.
4) Girls, some blame is on you as well: We sometimes feel that when we ask you out, you take expectations too far too quickly. A coffee date becomes an expectation of marriage from your eyes. We understand that we are dating-to-marry, but that pressure makes us uncomfortable at times. It becomes that if things fail to work out then you and your friends blame us for leading you on. We become the evil coffee bandits.
5) Satan Never Sleeps: Hey, the dude is smart and wise. Satan has culture tugging on our neck collars. Diminishing our number of men in the church. He has society whispering in our ears. The definition of love has changed from a Biblical definition to the cultural “what makes me feel good at the moment”.
So what now; I mean, this is heavy stuff. I have to be honest with you and say these things because I’m more afraid not to point these things out. The reason why I have this insight is because…ding ding ding…I’m in some of these categories. And have close friends in all 5. So what do we do now? The funny thing about being young is that it’s easy to point out a problem. The funnier thing is that in our youth we rarely have the answers. Still, one common sense answer is obvious – we need to get back to the discussing the nature and character of the triune God of the universe. This is what sustains us as a people. In the context of this blog, that is what will guide us men into the way he designed our relationships to flow. There is a reason why the Apostle Paul pleads with us to stay away from weak teaching and to seek good doctrine (1 & 2 Timothy). We can do that or we can continue to aim for high church numbers with cheap 5-minute salvations, weak teaching, and a feminized Jesus. But that’s a silly trade if we are losing our Godly men. What are we going to do men? Women? Pastors?
……..”Father, may our generation get back to your true reflection. Jesus, forgive us for mocking your image. I pray for those who hear this…really hear this. I pray for the hearts of our sisters. I pray for the strength of our brothers”…….
A Fun & Outgoing Introvert 
Reblogged this on Donovantanyuefeng..
You are missing a major point that may be the driving core of this entire topic. Think about the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. The ideals in this book sparked a disinterest in dating in the Christian community by telling us dating is bad.
I understand, dating is setting up for marriage and you must guard your heart, but you can guard your heart and date.
I’ll use an analogy:
If I am raised in a house that says: “don’t partake in fast food. It’s bad for your health and linked to obesity, hypertension, and diabetes.” my tendency is going to be to stay away from fast food….
Think of that statement in the context of dating. Christian men have been taught dating is bad by the church, when in fact the act of dating is not bad.
If you cannot withstand lustful thinking during this dating thing, or if dating takes over your desire to be conformed to Jesus, yes…maybe a life with out dating is for you right now.
About reason number one:
I STRONGLY disagree with reason number one. It sounds like an idolization of social media and I encourage you to stop. If social media has had any impact on your ideas of dating, it may be time to call Facebook and twitter quits for a while.
He is stating a factual reason on culture today. The media does affect us.
Really enjoyed this blog Earnest! So much wisdom here! The only one you forgot to mention is the “I don’t know… she could be a perfectly great girlfriend and future wife… but is she the ONE?? Better not risk being wrong about that…” Which coupled together with your #1 mention of the social media effect and thousands of “friends” is a dangerous combination.
Hey Earnest, thanks for sharing this and opening our eyes… It can be quite overwhelming with all the choices presented to us in social media and online dating sites.. Look forward to your next blog… Joe Polka Tornado
We only focus on his “love attributes” – is this a bad thing? The mistake is when we think “love” means fairies and pixie dust. Love can be firm or rebuking when it needs to be. Love can be realistic and negative when it needs to be. So yes, we should only focus on his “love attributes.” Anything else would be unloving, and yes, religion has been oppressive since the beginning of man and Jesus was the opposite of that.
Love is good. Biblically his love is tied to his wrath and justice. Love is where justice and mercy meet. You can’t break those two apart because then you leave the holistic doctrine and understanding of the Gospel. We can’t pick and chose. Love has components that God fully displays throughout scripture. The entire scripture not just the nice verses. That is the problem my friend. Or at least with #2
“Love is where justice and mercy meet” – this is great. God is love, so it would make sense that we focus on the love stuff. I agree to the extent that “we can’t pick and choose.” Everyone picks and chooses, if we are realistic. We like to point out the things that we pick and others don’t choose.
As a Christian writer, counselor and single man ; I have much to say about this subject. But, I have been in recent accident and have a cast on my right hand so lengthy written responses are too difficult. I would like to contribute to this conversation in the future. Or I am willing to be quoted via phone. 919-519-3459 if interested.
Reblogged this on Counted the Cost.
I found this disturbing as well. God is genderless. Making claims that Jesus has been feminized in our culture does two things: it assumes God is subject to our perception of Him. It also equates femininity with weakness. It gives in to an unbiblical context of differentiation between the sexes. In the most essential ways, men and women are the same. The same in propensity toward sin, the same in need for salvation. The ways in which we are different are not so some can be weak and foolish while others are strong and wise. God made men and women different so that we would hold different, complimentary aspects of His image both within ourselves as individuals, in our relationships overall in the body, and in our one-to-one intimate family, friend, and marriage relationships. While God made us to be gendered, He is not subject to our perception of gender. To connote negativity to a “feminized” Jesus ignores how God contains completely in Himself what we must be in relationships to share or have. God is “feminine” and “masculine” at the same time. He is God. (Btw, my use of “He” has more to do with the limitations of human language, culture, and intellect than a concession to God’s maleness)
Hi Amber! I agree with the complimentarian piece. The point isn’t that God is genderless or masculine. That isn’t the contention. It is rather that he has been skewed toward feminine. He doesn’t change due to our perception, I agree. But our perception of Him does dictate how we act as individual believers and as a society.
For example, look at the prosperity gospel. Maybe you and I can agree that it lies about God. But millions of people have to come to believe that Jesus wants us rich. And they alter their life around that version of Jesus. They view God as their butler per se. Look at the Liberation Gospels. Some people think God was “solely” in favor of the Hispanics or the African Americans all throughout scripture and future history. They view Him differently because of it. They view his character and motives differently because of it. Therefore, their psychological reactions span off of those beliefs. It’s all connected.
So we can agree or disagree that God is genderless. But that’s not the point. I NEVER said God was masculine. I never even used the word. The point is that society has turned Him feminine. Whether that feminine characteristic is negative or not isn’t the point either (And of course I agree feminism is not negative). The point is that God is not solely feminine. That line has been crossed. If you’re correct in that God is genderless then society is telling a lie because they’re saying you’re wrong and he is feminine. And our people are eating it up. Our men are eating it up.
I do not agree with number 2 at all. A feminized Jesus? Where did you even come up with that? There is some ambiguity in point number four as well. Who is the “you” who is being discussed here? Considering that there are also quite a few spelling and grammar errors in this article, I honestly cannot think that it is credible.
I am sorry if my writing hurts your feelings. But your view of my style of blogging, including my purposeful grammar errors, is an informal fallacy. An ad hominem. You must, you must, open your eyes to the doctrine of Christ which is taught today. You must listen to the lyrics is the worship songs that describe his character. Without honestly doing that, you will never see the truth of how Jesus is depicted today my friend.
In Ecclesiastes, King Solomon would say that the smallest cry is usually to correct one. While the loudest roar is the one that is wrong. But society incorrectly takes the loudest one as truth. Pay attention to how you hear my friend.
I think your blog was really great. Enjoyed reading it. Keep studying God’s word. And keep writing great blogs. …KALKAL Looking forward to the next blog
This is the jam, earnest. AB
Hmmm, good to see that you think so highly of women that the idea of adopting any stereotypically more feminine qualities (i.e. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc…Sound familiar?) is something to be avoided. Is it really so horrible to reflect these things? We were made in the image of God too, I believe. You’re insinuating a lot of really hurtful, painful, demeaning things here. Not to mention that you seemed to have missed the fact that the things the God of the Bible calls his followers to (again, I’m going to cite the fruits of the spirit here) most recurrently and predominantly are the same “feminine” qualities that you’re criticizing in men today. Love being at the top if that list. I have never read any scripture to my knowledge that calls us to be more domineering, aggressive, or anything of the sort. Male or female. So who/what are you more concerned about following? The Christ in the Bible or your own Americanized, hyper-macho, patriarchal view of what it means to be a man? I just think this is something you should be giving more thought to.
Are you implying that the fruits of the Spirit are feminine? Who said those are feminine traits? Are you following your own Americanized, hyper-sensitive, matriarchal view of what it means to be a woman?
The is nothing hurtful intended about the blog, but it is true honesty that is going to rub the wrong way at times. You just cannot let emotion bring you down.
Love is good. Not feminine nor masculine. Biblically his love is tied to his wrath and justice. Love is where justice and mercy meet. You can’t break those two apart because then you leave the holistic doctrine and understanding of the Gospel. We can’t pick and chose. Love has components that God fully displays throughout scripture. The entire scripture not just the pleasant verses. That is the problem my friend. Or at least with #2.
You were the one that implied love was feminine.
“Somewhere along the lines in our recent church history we began to view Jesus is a very feminine manner…For at least the past 40 years we have shifted focus solely on his love attributes.” You expressed that Jesus had been feminized and you blamed it on focusing on his love attributes. You have implied that love is feminine.
Also lets just look at the fact that yes “true” honesty can be abrasive, but just because something is abrasive does not inherently make it truth.
I was noting that the fruits of the spirit are interestingly qualities our society typically (hence my use of the word “stereotypical”) assigns to women (I’m not saying this is right or wrong, it’s just reality). But you seem to be asserting that by focusing on these qualities in the church, love being the one you pointed out, men are turning into passive, weak, fragile people. You’re saying this emphasis is bad, wrong, damaging. Ouch. In my opinion, we need to be focusing on these things as these are the qualities Christ called us to exude, over and over again. He didn’t call us to be wrathful, which is a topic you keep linking to his love, and somehow implying should be a part of our own expression of love as this would lead to more masculine, date-worthy men. But that’s his jurisdiction, not our own. No where in scripture are we called to live a life of wrath, aggression, judgment, condemnation.
That’s my opinion. Just like this blog is yours. You answer almost every response on this thread that counters your opinion with the comment that the truth is not supposed to be easy or comfortable, but that is assuming that your thoughts are the only ones inspired by scripture and they are, inherently, the absolute truth. But they’re not, they’re interpretation. You are picking and choosing, just as much as I am. We all do. I just wish you would respond with a little more open-mindedness, sincerity, and humility. I would be much more willing to consider your opinion if you did.
D.M.K.: I see where the confusion is occurring. Things get lost in translation on a 250-word subcategory in a 1000-word blog. The topic needs it’s own book. If you look at my wording more closely you’d see that I used adjectives and phrases to emphasize that we’ve gone overboard AND skewed on his love attributes. And we’ve focused’ “solely” on that incorrectly-defined trait. Love, itself, is not feminine. So please read it again with that in mind and you’ll see the context better.
A.M.:
You said: ” But you seem to be asserting that by focusing on these qualities in the church, love being the one you pointed out, men are turning into passive, weak, fragile people.”
You’re twisting words my friend. The title of the blog is talking about dating. In the context of asking out on dates. It’s the purpose of this blog post my friend. It would definitely be a dead-end debate if I we went into the bounds of life itself.
You said: “date-worthy men”
No no no, this is not from the woman’s perspective. I’m talking about the rate of guys asking girls out. That’s the point.
You said: “No where in scripture are we called to live a life of wrath, aggression, judgment, condemnation.”
Yes, of course we do not live in that. But we need to understand those things in order to understand love. We need to understand TOTAL DEPRAVITY in order to grasp love. Joel Osteen, for example, doesn’t preach that. Somehow he has the largest church in America.
You said: “but that is assuming that your thoughts are the only ones inspired by scripture and they are, inherently, the absolute truth. But they’re not, they’re interpretation. You are picking and choosing, just as much as I am. We all do.”
Yes we all have conjecture, my friend. This blog post wasn’t sudden. Like I said in it….I’ve sat with many of my girl friends and heard their cries. Girls that I love. Girls that I want the best for. You’re guessing at my motives and my intentions (as you should)…but you have no basis for concluding that my motives are bad. If you knew me, if you indeed knew me, I believe you’d think differently. I spoke with those same female friends yesterday and today and they know my heart. My humility and sincerity. Please do not attack me when I did this for them in obedience to God. I started this blog a year ago and 95% of the time I hate it because of the spiritual warfare. And it hurts when someone like you tries to degrade me and belittle my knowledge off of a 1000-word blog.
I find it fascinating that so many Christians have “biblical” view of dating. Josh Harris even went so far as to call for the elimination of dating and returning to the courtship model of the 19th century. There is such plethora of opinions, all which claim to be the absolute one, that it is mind boggling. So, I am going to give a rebuttal and then suggest some reasons of my own (definitely not absolute).
1) The Social Media Effect
Let me be honest, I met my wife on E-harmony and dated her long distance for about five months before I moved to Arkansas to be closer. The options I had in the small town I was stuck in were not attractive to me at all. So, I had to widen the search. I have been “looking” since college, and let me tell you that I am glad that I waited. Options are good, especially if there seem to be no good options in front of you. Maybe if the girl wants to push to the head of that 3,000 person list (mine is not near that much, and I did not date off Facebook), maybe they ought to be more straightforward about their interest and not play the silly mind games that frustrate guys. Social media is not evil and it may lead to something amazing if used right. To each their own (with biblical purity and discernment of course).
2) Feminized Jesus/ Nice Guy Complex
To an extent, I do believe that Jesus has been made soft by our church culture to counteract the harshness of our current worldly culture. I deplore a weak Jesus more than anyone. However, the idea that being a “nice guy” would make Jesus feminine is just plain ridiculous. Let me say that first, Jesus, while born as the male sex, embodied the best of both genders. Jesus was what everything it meant to be both male and female, otherwise he could only redeem males and we would need a queen (Mary perhaps?) to redeem females. Jesus was tender and he tough; Jesus was a steady presence and yet incredible unpredictable. Jesus was a paradox wrapped up in an enigma.
Now, is it wrong to be a nice guy? Any woman who has had to deal with the more adventurous jerk, will tell you they would have preferred the nice guy. You see, women who date jerks like how hot they are and they believe they have the power to change them into nice guys. When that does not work, conflict ensues and marriages end, or at least they become strained. Guys are supposed love and cherish their wives as Christ does his church; that means that they well…need to be nice to them. While men do not need to be pansies, I do not think they need to be barbarian warlords either. There is a balance, and Jesus showed us that.
3) Watered Down Gospel Teaching
I agree that the Gospel has been watered down or better yet, changed in a lot of churches. There are a myriad of heretical reasons for this. Yet, to claim that Jesus’ pursuit of the church is to be an analogy for a guys dating pursuit of a girl is all wrong. Now, it is to be the analogy of the husband being in constant pursuit of his wife. But since we do not have arranged marriages anymore, a guy does not know who his wife will be until a year to (hopefully) four years down the line. I have not pursued any woman like I pursue my wife, and that is what Paul was trying to say when he compared marriage to Christ and the Church. You either have to step back from the analogy in 21st century dating or go back to arranged marriages but you cannot have both.
4) Girl Blame
I agree with this for the most part. I would also add too that a lot of females veil their intentions while the relationship is in the dating stage and then hit the guy with them once they have a ring on their finger. It is fraud to lie about your taxes; it is relational fraud to claim that you are okay with a guy and do not want change him when you have active plans to do so. Real guys resist female manipulation and you will only create bitterness in your relationship if you try it.
5) Satan’s Work
I agree. However, pointing fingers and claiming a biblical definition of cultural expression of mating not helpful to the conversation.
Ok, here are my top five reasons:
1) Girls are just as immature as the guys are.
There is a constant barrage in church of people telling men they need to grow up and take a responsibility. While that is true, I do not believe guilt is an effective tactic in any conviction situation. What I do not hear in churches is the call for young ladies to abandon their Disney conceptualized few of romance. I hate to say this, but most of us are not Prince Charming, and ladies sometimes Prince Charming is quite dangerous. Stop thinking that finding a husband is going to mean happily ever after, because that is just not scriptural. Marriage means hard, often test commitment; it means sticking with each other when we become more ogres than princes/princesses. The Gospel calls us to the kind of marriage where we die to our expectations and embrace what God has in store for us both. Anything and everything less than that is a lie.
2) Girls date the jerk over the nice guy at their own peril.
One of my biggest frustrations in college was watching my godly female friends fall head-over-heels for a schmuck, just because he was “tall, dark, and handsome.” This reminds me of the description of Saul when he was anointed king of Israel; we see how that turned out. A lot of pretty girls do not have any more depth than any of the hot guys they are pawning after; I thought they did, but I watched as they threw it all out the window to pursue tall-dark-handsome (and often)-stupid. Those same friends years later would tell you, plead with you, to not bother. The nice guy is not feminine because he does not chase down antelope on his stallion (or if he prefers a good rpg to climbing a rock wall), just give him a chance and you may be surprised at how masculine he can be.
3) There is no accepted definition of dating.
Neither can there really be. In Scripture you have everything from camel serving to the oh so scandalous midnight rendezvous at the threshing floor (how many parents would give Ruth, Naomi’s advice). My point is that we are given the guidelines for purity and the ultimate goal and purpose of marriage, other than that is purposely left vague. Dating, courting, arranged marriages are all cultural expressions that could fit into our biblical framework, God has left to us to decide the form but NOT the function (sounds like my church planting classes) of our dating relationships. The confusion (first caused by Harris and others) has left many guys clueless and many females nuns, waiting for God to send the guy riding up to their door on a white stallion.
4) Some guys are well…shy.
I know this comes as a shock, but some guys are just not outgoing. I was that way for the longest time (and still can be if I am not careful). and it requires a girl who is willing to kind of give us a few more hints. A lot of guys who are shy are very critical of themselves and their confidence will only be raised by some genuine female interests in them. That may require you ladies to ask HIM out first, and then once his confidence is up, let him take the lead of the relationship. Not all guys worth following are loud, chest-thumping, brutes; you just have to be willing to be unconventional.
5) Some guys are genuinely waiting.
I waited till I was 28 to get married; I do not regret it at all. If I had tried to be a husband and lead a woman while I was in college, it would have been a disaster. I waited to find the right one for me, the one God has used to balance and complement my life. It is better to endure the harsh realities of being single, than to marry the wrong person just because you can’t control your sex drive (guys) or because you can no longer wait for your happily ever after (ladies). See dating as a fun way to get to know others of the opposite sex, take it slow, protect your purity and your heart, and God will bring you someone in his will and in his timing.
Thank you for reading and Christ bless you richly.
I’ll try to limit my words, but also fairly answer your comments, because I’m currently at work:
D.M.K.: I see where the confusion is occurring. Things get lost in translation on a 250-word subcategory in a 1000-word blog. The topic needs it’s own book. If you look at my wording more closely you’d see that I used adjectives and phrases to emphasize that we’ve gone overboard AND skewed on his love attributes. And we’ve focused’ “solely” on that incorrectly-defined trait. Love, itself, is not feminine. So please read it again with that in mind and you’ll see the context better.
Willie Mac (cool name):
I like your examples, haha. And I’d agree for the most part. The difference is that yours is more universal for all men. My reasons were more focused on the Christian men. Anything universal would already be assumed, therefore no need to add it. That’s why I didn’t have your reasons. Also, real quick about your first half rebuttal –
-Internet is a good thing of course. I’m using it now. My comparison was the relationship change among sexes before internet and after. Our view of friendships and opportunities have change. Even secular news anchor, scientists, psychologists, etc would agree with that.
-The nice guy was more a point about our own character. I was never referring to how women view the nice and bad guy. I was only speaking on how our own character has changed to be overly passive and “off-ish”. Jesus has qualities that are shied away from and we go overboard on some ideals. That, coupled with our society and history’s view of men….ends in a more and more feminized version of Jesus. But blame society and history for that. Look at popular worship music and how they describe Jesus.
Thank you for writing this. Definitely refreshing and convicting to read.
Soft, weak, “less bold,” more passive, less likely to hold leadership….. all of these things describe a “feminized” Jesus to you? What’s scary is that there are men (people in general) like you that assume women emulate the traits you have just described.
Good luck to you.
Hello my fellow anonymous friend! May I ask you a few questions? That is, if you are willing to answer:
1) How consistent has Jesus been portrayed in our books, movies, and worship music in the first 2000 years of the church in comparison to the past 40 years? And then, in comparison to the ENTIRE Bible. Every single verse.
2) Are Christian males asking girls out at the same rate as before 40 years ago? If not, why is that? If they are, please give proof.
3) Did I give direct correlation to women being less bold, weak, or soft? Or did I, instead, translate the weak teaching of Jesus slowly causing men to be that way? Did I describe any woman in the blog at all, outside of the fact that they aren’t being asked out? Did I explicitly say anything about the men outside the context of dating?
Yes, so pretty please answer those questions if you can. Then we can get back to the heart of the issue and have a legitimate discussion. Good luck my anonymous friend!
Reblogged this on hangouts4singles and commented:
I’m sure,you’ll find this a really interesting and insightful piece. Certainly worth discussing its implications for you, please drop your comments?
Hey, excellent article. And if anyone out there is looking for a good website to date and chat with other Christians check this out. Online Fellowships
You make some pretty good points. Judgement has pretty much been browbeaten out of Christianity. It’s all over the Bible, which makes it even more of a shame.
If common sense and judgement prevailed, we wouldn’t have 20-year old tattooed single mothers with unemployed babydaddies (yes, her fault as much as anything) doing this”
Facebook post:
“Follow my insta: ********** , snapchat: ********** and my twitter:@**********. I’m bored as hellllll!”
I’m a nice guy, so I’ll redact the name.
Point is, why is a single mother bored and all over the Internet?
OTOH, it’s hard to sympathize with her if you see this Twitter post:
“When a guy tries to get involved with me, I show him my bad side first. If you make it through, then you deserve my good side.”
You know, because a guy with standards who reads his Bible is just waiting to be treated like dirt to get with a tatted up single mom who smokes. Sigh. You can substitute this with the overused Marilyn Monroe quote that gets around if you so wish. I can only imagine how unbearable an actual worthy woman would be after being worshiped by thirsty guys on social media all day/week/month/year long.
So, you really have to hold the feet of the “fairer gender” to the fire in regards to why your moral Christian man isn’t asking her out, if you really want to get to the crux of the issue.
Thanks very much for your post. It was interesting to see a different perspective than my own (female). I’ve read through some of the comments and read the long one from the guy that opposed your blog. I agreed with what you said, but I also can see his side as well. There are so many factors that affect relationships.
I really liked that you talked about how Godly women these days have been told and told to wait and trust in the lord and he will provide the right person for us. I feel like that’s what I’m doing and have done. I was not living a Godly life when I was in college. I did lots of things that I shouldn’t have done. But about the same time that I was graduating, I was ending a toxic relationship that I had been involved in. I had started going to church again and the messages really started to get me thinking that I needed a change. So I yo-yo’ed back and forth with that toxic relationship…and finally after much praying God laid it in my heart to break it off completely. Ever since then (2+ years) I have been trying to grow my relationship with the Lord and my church body, so that I can be ready to begin an earthly relationship the right way. I still have many obstacles, but I’ve been left with the over whelming feeling that I have no “end-game.” I keep waiting around for the “one” to come and things to begin from there.
Do I need to continue waiting, or should I try making the first move. This is how I discovered your article. I was asking myself….”why doesn’t the guy I like seem to be interested in asking me out???” I can totally see what you’re saying about how men have changed and become complacent to the idea of dating and finding a lady. I’m perfectly able to make the first move…it’s just that I’ve been telling myself for a while that I didn’t want to start a relationship that way. It seems to me like the wrong type of relationship from what I want. I’m hoping to be with someone that can take charge and function on their own accord to ask me out. I don’t want to do the chasing, it feels wrong to me. I feel like, at least in my last relationship, I made all the effort and I was the one with the real feelings. Then I got dragged along and used (which was my own fault). I’m curious to see if you think that men might find me intimidating? Or just women in general. The whole idea of vulnerability, plainly it sucks. But so what, maybe I am intimidating. Why should I have to cut myself down just to get a date? How do you think I should go about showing men that I am not so intimidating, but still maintaining my standards for myself?
Hey sorry for the delayed reply. I would answer, in some cases, it is alright to make the first move. Because some guys are just oblivious or maybe very shy. And just because you make that first move doesn’t mean that you’d be doing the chasing afterwards. He still should/could be the one taking you out, leading you, protecting you, proposing, etc. But just because you make that very first move doesn’t mean everything else is ruined from a leadership point of view. That’s only 1 minute used of a lifetime spent together. It’s tiny in comparison. If a girl comes to me to initiate in a reasonable manner it wouldn’t be intimidating. There are different ways to approach someone, as you know. So, in general, I do not believe that, from face value, you initiating would be intimidating. Please ask me more if anything else comes to mind.
Hey Lauren, I just wrote a new blog post dedicated to answer your question. I hope you can read it! God bless!