A Short Story of Lying

A young man had been hiking through a forest until sunset when he began to realize that he was lost. The constant unfamiliar scenery led him to presume that he was not heading toward the trail’s exit.

Suddenly, he saw another hiker approaching him. When the figure reached him, it turned out to be himself! Confused, but too focused on being lost, the young man did not take serious notice of this identity puzzle and asked the twin which direction to head. The twin responded, “You should head East.”

So the young man headed East for almost an hour until he realized he was more lost than in his previous state. Straightaway, another twin version of himself then approached. When the young man asked for directions, the twin responded, “I’m not sure. I’m lost myself.” The young man and the twin laughed and talked for about an hour.

Still lost, the young man headed onward. A third twin approached: “You should go North. The North Star is a compass you fool!” The young man obliged, only to get further lost since he did not know the location of the exit in relation to the North Star.

The sky grew dark. A fourth twin approached: “This is a great workout, isn’t it? The women love leg muscles, aye-aye.” Though tired, the young man reasoned that since he’d gone this far he might work out a little more.

After climbing more hills, the very first twin who had approached him earlier, returned. “Still lost? Friend, the answer was inside of you all along. You are intelligent enough to do this on your own!”

This spiked the young man with motivation. A light bulb popped in his head as he realized he now knew where to go. He sprinted towards that direction.

The young man collapsed as he saw that he’d just ended up at a dead end waterfall.

Suddenly, another hiker approached him. However, this hiker was different. He walked with a limp and was not even dressed for hiking. When the hiker came near, the young man realized that he did look like a twin – only a much older version.

The elderly twin spoke, “Young man, here is why you’ve gotten so lost: If there is one thing you can be sure of, it is that you should not be the main guide of your life. In your life, you have lied to yourself more than anyone else has ever lied to you. The more you try to be your own leader, the more you will end up lost. You cannot save yourself. When a man understands more and more clearly the evil that is in him and how limited he is, then he’s learning. A moderately bad man knows he is NOT very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is ALL right. Man is flawed. As for God, He makes the way perfect. He lights the lamp in the darkness in order for you to see. Listen to Him.

The young man arose. His heart realigned. He mind set straight. His humbled soul ready to listen. Ready for the light.

A Paralyzing Light

It was only a lifetime ago when I saw the glare.

Truthfully, it was a moment ago when I saw the glare.

It shone upon me, presumptuous in nature and foreign in existence,

with a demanding pull which stretched the room from end to end.

Its tangible touch caused the depths of my soul to tingle;

Moreover, its abstract unfamiliarity overpowered my emotions.

My gut-reaction was to close my eyes, as a child splashing in ocean waves.

The others in the room had the same reaction.

Not one of us moved. Not even one.

We wanted to change … from being lukewarm.

We were urged to follow the archetypal Light.

Urged to live as the Light designed.

.

The whispers of the shadows were permeated with darkness.

They were poison by nature but delectably delicious in taste –

with a subtle push that my soul could barely detect.

The deceptive push brought about an alluring temptation to my flesh.

Eventually, I allowed the whispers to take control of my mind.

My focus began swaying away from the promising light.

The others in the room had the same disposition,

I could see that everyone was emotionless. Paralyzed.

Not one of us moving. Not even when the church service ended.

Remnants of Revelation 3:16 echoed as The Light waned and Darkness silenced.

We, the Laodiceans, were left to choose –

Warned to choose.

Urged to choose the joyful light,

but drawing closer and closer toward the alluring darkness.

A Pedophile’s Story in Heaven

It is the best of times. Although, in this place here, there actually is no such thing as time – There is only timeless eternity. Everyone is so filled with life and joy that tears could continually flow from our eyes – Albeit, there are no tears here. The perfection of the sun shines so brightly that there is not a single shadow created from the luminous light. Still, there actually is no sun here. We have the luxury of having the glory of God as our sun!

I rested in one of my favorite places: it has this title because I enjoy laying beside the tigers and the deer as they peacefully play together. This place is also my favorite because sometimes I can watch my daughter play football with other people. She was my daughter back on earth, but here she is ultimately and objectively seen as God’s daughter. Nonetheless, I still pleasure in proudly watching her play (especially as the quarterback). She always wanted to play with her older brothers back on earth, but was not strong nor fast enough to keep up. Here in the Kingdom, there is a removal of the physical advantages of the sexes. We all have powerful, heavenly ageless bodies.

On the last play of the game my daughter threw a bomb pass about 200 yards into the arms of her friend Josh who made a spectacular diving touchdown catch. My favorite part of his catch was that his impact did not even harm the grass underneath him. The grass here is unlike the weak, fragile earthly grass. In this place we see the true grass that God intended for creation, before The Fall. This grass is so firm that it cannot bent nor can be pulled from the ground itself! The beauty of the heavenly grass blades is greater than the grandeur of any waterfall back on earth. Goodness, it is impossible to fairly describe the epic waterfalls here in The Kingdom.

Josh and my daughter glided toward me in merriment. “Dad, did you see that catch! Josh here gets the MVP again. Show off” She jokingly pushed Josh’s arm. The young looking man just smiled and shook off the praise.

“Hey it’s almost time for the next banquet feast,” exclaimed Josh, with a sudden jolt of excitement. “If we leave now we can make the opening story given today”

The three of us headed over to the banquet feast. At the beginning of each banquet someone tells the crowd their story of how Jesus saved them back on earth. No story is ever too small. No story ever leaves us short of satiated praise of what God freely did for us. Afterwards we feast and drink in laughter.

One of the angels signaled for today’s speaker to come in front of the podium. The speaker spoke in a strong, educated English accent:

“Hello family. My name is Henry. I was once a university professor and happily married to a woman of 15 years. Neither of us knew Christ or even gave thought to him. On weekends my neighbors began asking me to watch over their adolescent son. The son was mentally disabled and helplessly mute. For 10 years I would periodically watch him. For 10 years I would sexual abuse this child. I rarely gave time to feel guilt or shame. Neither was I ever caught in my wrong doing. Eventually I earned another teaching job and we moved away. My marriage began to disintegrate and we eventually divorced.

I was left to myself. My life grew darker. A close friend begged that I should look to the Lord, but I despised the frivolity of the religious teachings that I learned in my youth. Regardless, my life reached the point where I was sinning at such a varsity level that I thought that there was no way that God could ever love me. Therefore, I dove headfirst into my sinning further and further. Until all I saw was the mirage of Hell itself.

In my 60th year, a homeless man stopped me as I walked to the store. I begrudgingly gave him a few seconds of my time. Instead of asking me for money, he went on unexpected rant about how Jesus had recently ‘saved him’. I wanted to walk away…however, his speech was curiously robust. Normally, I relate to intellectual dexterity yet he spoke with pure visceral emotion. For the first time in my life, I had heard. I heard. That day I bought a Bible and read until my eyelids were numb. I wrestled with the Lord and finally gave my life to Christ. I was infinitely lost and Jesus’ mercy grabbed me by the waist.

I prayed that God would show me my next steps. The following Sunday I joined a church family. The very next day the doctor informed me that I was diagnosed with Stage 4 brain cancer with only three months to live. After crying for hours, the Spirit reminded me that my life was already not my own anymore – but rather, it was in God’s all along. My burdens lifted from that simple truth and led me to live the last three months of my life for Christ. When my new church family heard my full story, praise for God erupted. There was a major revival in the city and everyone was coming to Christ! What I, in my past life, intended for harm….God used for good. I now see that my past life was a mirage. What I saw as blurry darkness, I now clearly see the beauty of God’s redemption.

♪ ♪ ♪ I will forever praise him. The rhythms of his grace are extravagant. You are God. You are Good. You are Jesus ♫ ♫”

The Professor then signaled for someone else to rise. Everyone turned to see Josh, my daughter’s MVP wide receiver, stand up.

“This is Josh,” pronounced the Professor. “He is the young boy that I molested for ten years. His suffered greatly on earth. Nevertheless, God graciously saved both his life and mine. We are eternally grateful”.

Josh, who was once mentally disabled and mute…who lived a life of deformity – was no longer bound in that inescapable box. He now lives in holy paradise. His new body was from God.  He radiates God’s glory along with the rest of us. We all simultaneously rejoiced to God.

To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory forever and ever!!

There was the Young Man, Drowning in the Sink…

There was the young man, drowning in the sink. Everyone says that it was because of gravity that he was drowning. Unfortunately, they were right. His older brother looked on as he helplessly stood just a few feet away. The gravity of sin pulled the young man deeper and deeper into the waters until his fight for breath was as meaningless as a caged bird.

With civility, Sin initially used his charm to lead the young man to the sink. The older brother did not scruple to attempt to take his brother away from Sin’s grip. However, little did the older brother know, Sin had a grip on him as well. Soon enough the older brother grew passive and was frozen in place. So much so..….that he was powerless to help. Complications were more layered than tiramisu. All hope was lost for the brothers. Sin rejoiced as he was winning the war.

Things were not always this way. There was once a time when things were pure and life seemed innocuous. Is this not the human experience: that in one moment everything can be so beautiful and right, and then in one fellow swoop (a phone call, an accident, one conversation) there becomes all this weight laid on your soul. All of a sudden your soul cannot breathe because the gravity of sin is too much to bear. Sometimes the change is quick. Sometimes the change is slow-moving, With the great wisdom of Sin, most of the time the latter method is the case. One minute you’re on a raft close to shore and the next minute, without realizing, the waves have drifted you out into the sea. Whether it’s sin, loss, betrayal, hate, or whether it’s being overwhelmed; you then cry out for God’s nearness and help, but the only voice you hear is darkness. Or maybe the devil himself. Or sometimes worse…. you hear nothing at all. Maybe, nothing at all. Such scary times there.

 

The young man hadn’t noticed his far drift until it was too late. He was not lying in a sink – to the contrary, he was drowning in the ocean waters. His death was imminent. On the other side, the older brother’s passiveness caused his ability to save his brother to be nonexistent. The young man finally gives up. His lungs begin to fill with water. His heartbeat slows down. His skin coloring grows dark. His heart beats its last beat. His older brother, still looking on, drops to his knees in gloomy defeat.

 

Suddenly, with all hope lost and with Sin and death close to victorious reign, Love interrupts. The loving Narrator of the story interjects Himself. The omnipotent Narrator who knew the characters before writing the story, who created the story, and who knows how it ends as He types away … suddenly appears. For He is the only one who can save the brothers. He is the perfect one that loves both idiotic brothers and can shift them back onto the path he designed them to walk long before the story began. For what the brothers were powerless to do because they were weakened by their flesh, the Narrator freely did – Even as the brothers did not deserve to be saved. The narrator turns a hopeless story into a story of good news! Odd thing is, the Narrator could have corrected things a long time ago but chose to wait. Why? That is something for us to wrestle with until we meet Him face to face. We do know that He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?”

The book of Hebrews says that Jesus endured all that loss and betrayal. It describes that he also suffered a brutal death. It claims that He endured those things so that He can empathize with us and say, “I know how these hard times feel”. Luckily Jesus the Empathizer is also Jesus the Narrator who is in control of the entire story. There is a warm blanket to our soul in knowing that our Narrator intimately knows us, loves us, and has the ultimate power to save us.


What an almighty and glorious narrator that would be.

7 More Funny Christian Jokes I’ve Heard (3rd Edition)

1.  A minister is driving down the road and is stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath,

sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

The minister replies, “Just water.”

The trooper asks, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, “Good Lord, He’s done it again!”

__________________________________________________________

2.  One day, GOD talked to Bill Gates.
“Considering your contribution to the world and also your disbelief in me, I am going to do something that I never did before. I am going to allow you to choose between Heaven or Hell”.

amazed, Bill Gates try to remain objective. He wanted to see both Heaven and Hell before made the decision.

then GOD shows him the Heaven. it’s so beautiful, so graceful, fill of peace and praises to GOD.

satisfied, Bill Gates wanted to see the Hell.

GOD shows him the Hell, full of sexy ladies, partying all time, having fun and no rules at all.

Finally, Bill Gates decided that he wanted to be in Hell. GOD have asked him to confirm because once decision made, can’t cancel it.

So when Bill Gates died, GOD put him in Hell.
After several days, GOD wonders how Bill Gates enjoy his life in Hell.

After looking for sometime, GOD founds Bill Gates crying and sulking in a corner. He cried “GOD, where are all the fun? the girls? the parties?”.

GOD responded “Dear Bill, didn’t we told you? It was all just a screen saver.”

__________________________________________________________

3.  On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: “Let’s see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.”

__________________________________________________________

4.  A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Denomination?” The man says, “Methodist.” St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Denomination?”

“Lutheran.”

“Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”

A third man arrives at the gates. “Denomination?”

“Presbyterian.”

“Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8.”

The man says, “I can understand there being different rooms for different denominations, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?”

St. Peter tells him, “Well the Baptists are in room 8, and they think they’re the only ones here.

__________________________________________________________

5.  One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

Joe prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river.”

Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

__________________________________________________________

6.  There was an American basketball player that had a tournament in Dublin. After one of his games he stepped outside for a breath of fresh air when he felt a gun in his back. “What’s your religion?” he heard the man growl.

Bobby (the player) had no real religion but he knew if he said he was Catholic and this guy was a Protestant he would kill him and if he said he was Protestant and the guy was Catholic he would kill him.

Thinking quickly he said “I’m Jewish.” and the man replied, “Oh Allah I must be the luckiest Arab in all of Ireland.”

__________________________________________________________

7.  Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, “about 1,500.” “That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”

https://earnestbjohnson.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/image007.gif

A Christmas Letter from ADAM, the First Man Alive

I remember that it hurt, looking at her hurt. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling of it all. I remember the silly fig leaves that Eve and I used as coverings as we hid from our Creator. At that very moment of shame and horror from committing the first sin in history, we felt Death. Only hours beforehand were we “being fruitful” and looking forward to “multiplying”. Up to this point everything we did joyfully flowed into further worship of our Creator. Things were perfect. When The Fall occurred, my initial thought was of how horribly passive I had been in protecting Eve from the deceptive serpent. I failed to lead my wife in the appropriate manner that I was designed for.

However, when God confronted us, I then realized the ultimate outcome of my actions … against God and God alone, had I sinned. For He gave only one simple rule, but in return I did evil in his sight. In a short moment, all the perfection of the world tore and everything became changed. Relationships and life became hollow and broken. Everything that people now see as normal on earth was once much much much sweeter in every way imaginable. And my sweet Eve…I remember that it hurt, looking at her hurt. I still remember it all as if it were yesterday. Since passing away, Eve and I have been shown infinitely undeserving mercy. We have been in the heavenly presence of the Triune God and dined the angels and countless descendants after us. The feeling here so indescribable that I cannot put it into words. All I can do is enjoy this merriment and worship him all the more. Even as I can remember my downfalls on earth, I can rejoice as I now have a warm perspective drawn from living in the presence of Christ.

I am currently writing this letter in heaven because today is a glorious day! The angels are flipping around with an excitement that has been anticipated for since the beginning of creation. They are celebrating a predestined plan put into motion before I was even created. Just a few months ago, Jesus left heaven to go into the world. And today He is born in the flesh to the virgin Mary! One of the angels just left to visit the family. Jesus, part of the triune Godhead, has left this wonderland in order to fix all that has been wrong with the world. To redeem to all creation that the big picture is the glory of God. Oh how he loves us so. I am in awe. Oh Oh Oh the depths of the riches and knowledge and wisdom of God! (Romans 11:33).

Through me sin entered the world, and death came through sin. From this occurrence death came to all people, because all have sinned. I have witnessed famine, murder, natural disasters, slavery, pride, hatred, wars, and many more calamities. Many generations after God’s promise to Eve and I (Genesis 3:15b), from heaven I saw God’s unfathomable promises given to Abraham, Moses, and the apocalyptic prophets. I have seen the miracles God laid out for his people and I gasped as they continually turned their backs on Him. I witnessed the Bible being written and ending with Malachi – followed by approximately 400 years of scriptural silence from the Lord… that is, until this very day of Jesus’ birth. The promise of the great and powerful kingdom and of a Savior given to the people seemed bleak from an earthly perspective. In heaven, however, it is impossible to fear that God would fall short of His promises. In His glory-filled presence we know that he wins. And now we see more of the epic picture He has been painting on the canvas of the earth.

I am looking at Jesus humbling himself to be born in Bethlehem. He could have been born in a palace with thousands of angels guarding him. But he chose a different route. He is 100% man and 100% God. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 53:6). I do not know how yet, but the Holy Spirit testifies to us that He will be despised and rejected by men, being acquainted with suffering. He will bear our grieves. Past, present, and future. I should pay harshly for my mistakes, but Jesus is taking my place.

As I continue to watch this epic story that God has had rolling since the beginning of time, there is no doubt that I will continue to be in awe. Let the earthly rivers and trees clap their hands. Let the grassy fields exult and the mountains sing with joy. The people of the present age and the people in the future are so utterly blessed. They have the Kingdom of God in the midst of them now. The beginning of the restoration of what was broken, initially by me, is there in the flesh. They get something that Moses, Isaiah, Abraham, and millions of other people just hoped for. They longed for this promise. But the people on earth get to know it and walk with it and see Him. It is not hope alone for them, but it is a concrete reality.

I ask that they celebrate this day for many centuries to come. Just as the angels and the rest of us in heaven are celebrating. May they never forget what this day truly means. May they run with perseverance the race set before them… throwing away the sin and weight that clings to them. I cannot wait until the time comes when we will give them a rich welcome into this eternal kingdom. I was once Your enemy, now I am seated at the table. Jesus, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Some other verses used: Psalm 51:4, Romans 5:12, Jeremiah 2, Isaiah 55:12, Psalm 98:8, Colossians 2:9, Hebrews 11, 12:1)